tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197747502674759008.post2809788686703645932..comments2023-04-29T01:05:23.987-07:00Comments on Ephemeral Rumination: marjaan manoonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01483121731473041431noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197747502674759008.post-35923390359223320642019-04-15T11:15:03.981-07:002019-04-15T11:15:03.981-07:00Amazing blog. This post is looking interesting. Th...Amazing blog. This post is looking interesting. Thanks for sharing this with us <a href="https://vangsgutta.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">vangsgutta</a>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197747502674759008.post-87776957568173757122015-10-14T13:17:58.904-07:002015-10-14T13:17:58.904-07:00Thank you all for commenting and providing feedbac...Thank you all for commenting and providing feedback!!<br />@ Teresa: Your edit brought more life to the sentence. I am going to change it to what you have suggested!! As always, I'm grateful....!marjaan manoonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01483121731473041431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197747502674759008.post-87245117689569827892015-10-11T14:43:10.476-07:002015-10-11T14:43:10.476-07:00Well the terror ahead comes through clearly so wel...Well the terror ahead comes through clearly so well done!Veronica Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04732940088047026021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197747502674759008.post-76747250484685745822015-10-11T08:47:41.265-07:002015-10-11T08:47:41.265-07:00I am feeling nervous for them, and I don't eve...I am feeling nervous for them, and I don't even know all the details about what is coming! Nice job. I'm with Teresa on the use of the word dawn though, I had to re-read that section a couple times. It pulled me out of the story. Nice to have you join us at WeWriWa!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05551671528722336812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197747502674759008.post-57040196802580046212015-10-09T17:22:35.049-07:002015-10-09T17:22:35.049-07:00This looks like the beginning of a very, scary sto...This looks like the beginning of a very, scary story. you've painted a good picture, Marjaan. I don't know what the hellish creatures are that will come at dawn to the peaceful forest, but the thought makes me nervous.<br /><br />May I offer a suggestion? There's a lot of use of the word "dawn' in a short space. That can trip up a reader's flow. Maybe change out a few of them?<br /><br />Example: <br /><br />“The terror shall begin at first light and last all day and night, ending only with the following dawn. Those hellish creatures will spread like plague over the villages and nothing will stop them. Nothing…” Nirashika looked fearfully at her sister. “I think they will arrive well before the sun rises, and begin the onslaught of everything; a day that will seem no less than a year…” <br /><br />Just an idea. :-)<br /><br />I am so, so glad to see you posting, Marjaan. I'm delighted that you're writing!!Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.com