Friday, February 3, 2012

Unfinished Sorrow

The separation or death of a dear one is a wrenching pain felt deep inside the heart. It is that bite taken out of your entire existence that exposes an incomplete 'you'. The acknowledgement that this person will never be seen again gives you a big lump in the throat. A time spent happily flashes in front of your eyes and stays there despite your attempt to wander your eyes about. Memories of things that happened triggered by a familiar song or movie once enjoyed together becomes a treasured thought adorned by a tear or two.

Sorrow anchors itself inside you and pain docks on your soul. Nothing changes that. Time doesn't erase or heal sorrow, it never goes away but changes in weight. Sorrow is a brick in your pocket. Every time you put your hand in your pocket, you will find it there. You just live with this weight. You learn how to compromise with this unwanted tenant.

It is so annoying to watch people fake their grief over your dear one. Superficial sorrow exudes in their demeanor. Feigning sorrow and showing up at any funeral just to show some social presence and achieve social acceptance is extremely pathetic. What a waste of regard for the departed...  

It is hard to cope with the sorrow of separation. Every person deals with it differently. I always lessen my pain of separation by thinking how blessed my dear one must be being in the comfort and safety of God, that no worldly trouble and sorrow can touch and harm him anymore. A caged bird is beautiful and blesses us with a constant reassuring companionship. But to open the cage and let the bird fly free, and watch it flap its wings triumphantly, gives one a strange comforting feeling that now the bird is free from all pain, sorrows, and hardships that the world contains.

As I write this piece, I can't help but think of my dear uncle whom I miss tremendously. He passed away in 2006, but to me it seems as if it happened yesterday. I miss him......

5 comments:

  1. I am sorry that you lost someone so wonderful, Marjaan. And I know that you were blessed with wonderful love--that inspired this post. "Sorrow is a brick in your pocket. Every time you put your hand in your pocket, you will find it there. You just live with this weight. You learn how to compromise with this unwanted tenant." That is such an incredibly accurate description of bereavement. And your analogy about a caged bird...another gem. Your uncle was blessed as well--to have the love of a niece that endures as it does...

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  2. Teresa dear thanks for visiting!!! And even more thanks for your comment!!! I sometimes am selfish and grieve over why my uncle left so soon and feel like caging him forever but at the same time I picture him in a much better place....free and happy. He was a man full of love and joy, passionate about the 'little' person's voice and could shed a tear when witnessed cruelty...A life that inspired so many people, relatives, friends and strangers alike ended so unexpectedly.

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  3. I'm so sorry that you've experienced that kind of loss. Thank you for sharing such a deep and personal life event.
    Blessings to you.

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  4. Hey Marjaan, just checking in. How are you? Everything okay? Hugs to you...

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  5. Grief is funny, how it sneaks up on you at the oddest times. Hope you're doing well.

    ~Debbie

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